Moving Heaven
by Through Darkness
Summary: Sam and River have managed to connect. They go to sleep and dream together, trying to find a way to bridge their two separate worlds..Sam/River, sides of Dean, Kaylee/Simon, Mal/Inara...a series of one-shots in a verse.
1. Sam Winchester dreams of River Tam

The first time Sam Winchester dreams of River Tam he is an observer in his own body – he has no understanding of what was happening, and no control over himself.

Sam hears a knocking at the door of the motel and stands up, walking over slowly. He places his hand under his shirt, ready to pull his gun out and shoot at any second.

When he opens the door, he finds a young woman standing there, her near black hair tumbling in a mess over her shoulders and half way down her back. Her long dress is dirty, and combat boots encase her feet.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispers and he nods. He removes his hand from his back, releasing the gun and walks out of the motel, leaving the door wide open and his cell phone on the side table.

They leave the motel parking lot, walking quickly, side by side in silence. They quickly jog over to the airplane and she nearly leaps up the small stairs extending from the jet, and she turns at the top to give him a small smile and a knowing glance. He has stood back and watched the grace she exhibits with such great ease, and she looks up and smiles.

"You are not fast enough to create the velocity and force it would require for you to elevate yourself to the plane from the ground," she says to him softly.

He laughs, not fully understanding but amused by how easily she changed a normal situation into cold math and numbers and back to normal again.

"You can't jump onto the plane once it takes off, _qing ren_," she grins and bites her lip. Sam jogs up the airplane steps and puts a hand on her hip. She turns and leads him into the plane, tugging on his hand, holding it to her slim body.

Her hip is thin; he can feel the bones underneath, like she hasn't been eating properly enough to gain the right amount of weight, which worries him.

But she smiles at him, and as he turns the corner, her eyes lit up at the sight of the cargo bay of Serenity, and he forgets about any worry for her. She is home, at peace, and safe.

She tugs on his hand and he lets go as she started spinning in circles, with her arms thrown out to her sides like a small child, giggling and grinning wide.

He takes the opportunity to look around at the ship, the metal catwalks, creaky stairs and the fact that behind most of the walls were secret compartments all felt comforting to him. But the lack of noise aside from the woman dancing in the middle of the bay makes him raise an eyebrow.

"Where's the rest of the crew?" He asks. She stops spinning.

"Am I not sufficient for your needs?" Her voice was almost cold, but sad. In so many ways parts of her were still a child, conflicting with need and lack of understanding. They clashed with the parts of her that were woman, wanting and confident and brilliant.

"You are everything I will ever need." He promises and she walks softly to him, her large, clunky boots making almost no sound as she slides towards him. He encircles his arms around her waist, and she rests her head on his chest.

"Captain and Jayne went to make a deal, Zoe and Wash went to get supplies. Book went to pray at a local abbey. Simon took Kaylee to dinner, and Dean will come shortly."

Sam raises an eyebrow. "Dean?" He asked. It was odd – he hadn't even thought of his brother before now.

"Of course, silly. Couldn't leave him behind," she replies quickly and spins out of his arms and runs up the stairs, shedding her combat boots for her preferred bare feet. "Chase me, Sam. Will you come after me?"

"Always," he answers.

-

Sam woke up slowly, still groggy from the sleep. The alarm clock next to him glared red numbers into the back of his eyeballs _3:47_. He sat up slowly, the covers falling down around his waist.

He rubbed his chest and yawned, looking next to him. Jessica was peacefully asleep; her hair smothering the pillow in its golden strands, and her hand was on top of Sam's left thigh. Her nails were painted a soft blue shade, and he smiled remembering how she had painted them while singing along with the radio.

He pushed the covers down and slowly walked into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and ran the tap, splashing water onto his face. Had he really been dreaming about another woman?

He had no idea who she was – he had never said her name in the dream. Sam hadn't ever even seen her before. Why had his subconscious taking his usually abnormal dreams and replaced Jess with this woman?

He sighed, moving into the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of water, twisting the cap and drinking greedily; he suddenly found himself parched.

"Hey you," a soft, sleepy voice whispered from behind him. He turned to see Jess, clad in one of his button up shirts and a pair of silky pyjama pants that had bright green cats on them smiling softly at him.

He nodded and whispered, "Hey," in her general direction. She moved forward slowly and wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. He was instantly reminded of the girl in his dream – that the head against his chest was smaller, with paler skin and dark hair, instead of the bright and vibrant blonde against him now.

She started softly kissing and nipping at his chest, and he watched her, knowing where she was intending for this to go.

He let her tug him back to bed. He wasn't sure who he made love to that night; Jess or the mysterious dream girl, only that when he drifted back to sleep, she wasn't there.

The next night he dreams of Jess burning for the first time.

-x-  
He didn't see her again until after Jess died, when he was out on the road with Dean. They'd just finished the shape shifter a month ago, and they were somewhere near Detroit. He nodded off in the front seat while Dean was driving. It was dark out, but Dean didn't seem to be stopping any time soon.

She was sitting on his bed, her legs curled up under her skirt with her head tilted towards the ceiling. She had bubble gum in her mouth, and she kept blowing large bubbles upward.

"You're back," he whispers. It's been a long time, near a year, since he'd seen her the first time, and here she was again. The same way he had remembers her. Thin, pale, haunting, gorgeous, with a black wild mane of untamed hair and eyes that pierced through souls in seconds. He wants to grab her and whisper that he'd missed her into her hair, but he isn't entirely sure why he felt that way.

"You wanted me gone," she answers back, her voice soft and quiet, but just as effective as last time; it makes him want to be surrounded by the sound of her words.

"I did?" He questions, moving over to the bed she is sitting on. She blows a bright pink bubble and it pops loudly. He wonders why she is in Technicolor and everything else seems to be desaturated and losing focus, except for the woman on his bed, (which he isn't entirely sure is actually his).

"You were embarrassed," she shrugs. "You wanted to be with her, and I made you feel guilty. So I didn't come back until now." Her voice is still quiet, but she speaks a little faster this time, like there is some hidden emotion coming as subtext that he's not quite catching.

He doesn't wonder how she understands him so well, or why he isn't overly curious about her fascination with chewing gum. He didn't wonder why she doesn't wear shoes or why seeing her made him feel calmer inside. They made sense at the time; the questions only came when he was awake.

So he lies down next to her and she moves against him, still curled up and blowing bubbles. She frowns every time one of them pops, and sometimes her face wrinkles a little when she's particularly disappointed after a bubble gets larger then previous ones had been.

He chuckles at her antics.

"Trying to fly away?" He strokes her arms, and brushes hair back behind her ears and out of her face.

"Trying to create a balloon for you," she replies, looking down and smiling at him. "So you can fly away and come find me."

He lifts his hand to her face, cupping her cheek and stroking just under her cheekbone with his thumb.

"Will you come back, this time?" He tugs her towards him and she lays down, on his chest, her hair spreading out over his shoulder. He leans down and smells her hair, but he can't identify the smell and he won't remember it later.

"I'll always come for you," she whispers into his shirt, her hair falling like a curtain over her face and hiding her from sight. He brushes it back and she sits up, her eyes holding his.

He remembers these eyes – the ones that made him curious and intrigued when they sparkled, the ones that made him confused when they were dark and heavy.

She kisses him and her lips are soft and gentle, and his are rough from where he's bitten them, but his arms pull her against his body and he can feel her smiling

When she pulls back and his pushes her hair behind her ear, she smiles sadly.

"It's time to go," she whispers. He sits up and goes wide eyed, his arms falling to her waist.

"It's too soon," he answers back, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "You just got here," as he plants a small kiss on her neck.

She smiles and leans into his kisses. "I have to go. The time difference means its time for me to wake up," she answers him but she leans against his warm body anyway, tugging his arms around her tighter.

"I imagine 500 years would mean we're on different schedules," Sam muttered. He moves away from her and slings his legs over the side of the bed. She stands and moves in front of him. They are nearly at eye height, with him sitting on the bed and her standing, so she doesn't bother to move to catch his eyes.

"I will find you again, _qing ren_. Just ask, and I will come for you." She kisses him slowly and walks out of the room slowly, her feet bare. When the door is open he can see the blinding light that is where his consciousness will find him and he doesn't watch her leave.

He rubs his eyes and throws his face into the pillow, trying to catch the remainders of her scent. He smiles and chews softly; she has left her bubble gum in his mouth.

-

"Dude!" Sam heard, and opened one eye tentatively. Dean was reading the paper, looking for signs of a case, but had stopped to look at his younger brother with one arched eyebrow.

Sam groaned and yawned, sitting up slowly. Dean laughed and Sam blinked at him, sleepily.

Dean flexed the paper and smiled, shaking his head. "You kept moaning' 'bout some river." Dean's smirk grew and he got that look in his eye that made Sam dread whatever his brother was about to say. "So if you're gonna drop the Mississippi, I suggest you get in that cold shower damn fast." He took a sip of the coffee cup posed next to him and Sam rolled his eyes.

He threw a pillow at Dean and walked into the bathroom, and for once, actually followed his brother's advice.

-x-  
She returns often, about once a week. She keeps telling him that there's a time difference; he asks when they can be together and she whispers that time will merge when she gets there.

He doesn't understand; she's smarter than he will ever be and he loves how she understands the universe more than perhaps the universe understands its own laws. She says they'll be together one day, and he believes her.

But sometimes, one day isn't soon enough.

"Madison was pretty," she whispers when he finds her in the cockpit of Serenity. She holds a plastic dinosaur in her hands, not fiddling but laying it in her lap. They belong to a man named Wash, River had told him once.

"How did you know about Madison?" He asks. He moves over and slumps down in the second chair of the cockpit. River liked to frequent it, but she is currently in the main pilot's chair.

"She was in your head. The same place that I come to find you." Sam frowns and pushes his hair out of his eyes, hoping to catch River's gaze, but her brown orbs are firmly fixed on the small orange tyrannosaurus in her hands.

"River," he starts to explain, but she shakes her head. Her long dark strands waved around her face, falling over her shoulders and into her face.

"I'm not physically with you; I cannot satisfy all of your wants and needs." Her voice is hushed and quiet, and she seems tired. He moves over and turns the rotating chair so she must face him, but he just hovers over the chair, so much taller then she is and still she will not meet his eyes.

"River, please, let me explain." He kneels down, and tips her chin upward so her eyes finally find his, and she looks sullen, with dark eyes. She is obviously tired.

Her head shakes and she leans to the side, placing the dinosaur back on the dash. "I understand, but my head cannot rationalize pain my heart feels." He nods, and sits on the ground, pulling up his knees towards his chest and resting his arms on top.

She reaches down and takes one of his hands, then slides down to the floor and moves in between his legs. His arms wrap around her naturally, and she rests her head on his shoulder.

"What can I do to make it better?" His breath is warm on her ear, and she nuzzles the crook of his neck.

"Just don't forget that I'm coming for you." She allows him to pull her body against his, and she rests against him, and together they wait, staving off their inevitable separation and return to their individual worlds.

-x-  
Sam and Dean return to a motel after dealing with a particularly unfriendly incubus nest, and Sam feels riled up and agitated. They'd come close to getting killed – as per usual, of course – and the adrenaline is still pumping through his blood. He crashed against the bed, his body wanting more action and his mind wanting unconscious bliss. His mind won, forcing his body to sleep quickly and effectively.

-

He opens his eyes to River hanging over top of him, a soft smile on her lips. She asks no questions and poses no mathematical theories for now. She merely leans down and kisses him, soft and inviting.

He rolls her over on the bed (he's not sure who's world they are in tonight, his or hers but all he can smell a little bit of engine oil in her hair and a soft scent of lilac from the soap she uses and he's stopped thinking about it) and soon they are tugging at each other's clothing and stripping each other.

There is no stopping to ask for permission, no words of worry or concern if this is best. She simply pulls him flush against her and mews softly into his ear, encouraging him to continue venting and releasing his energy into her. Her body fits against his, soft where he is hard, and they rock together quickly, the sweat building between them. They fit together the way man was made to fit against woman, and its not just Sam thinking that there was some greater design into the two of them.

She pushes when he pulls, and they react easily and naturally to each other; understanding perfectly what the other wants and needs. She came here to fill Sam's need, he stays to embrace hers.

He finds her sensitive spots easy, he nibbles against her neck till she gasps, and she brushes her fingers against his nipples until he groans. They search each other's bodies, stopping at nerve points or sensual spots to suck, nibble, kiss and lick.

His hunger for her isn't satisfied, and the heat she feels from his touch doesn't fade. Neither ever has to make a request for 'faster' or 'harder' or to switch positions. They are in perfect unison; their bodies cannot make love, but their minds will meld and merge together to allow them the release it provides all the same.

It is fast, and at times slow; rough and then gentle; all of their urges and desires satisfied except for the pure desire for the other's touch. They don't need breaks – their minds do not care for such distractions. Tonight, they lose themselves in each other.

-x-

Sam walks through the cargo bay of Serenity and down to River's room, his explanation running through his head. He knows why she has not come to see him recently; he knows why she hasn't been easy to find when he sought her. He's aware of what he's done wrong and what she knows, and he's fully ready to apologize.

She is sketching on her bed, coloured pencils laid out alongside her in order according to their hue numbers (not alphabetically or even in colour co-ordination, but by hue number as is proper, River would tell him).

"River, baby, I am so sorry, I swear Bela doesn't mean anything and it was just stupid lust and I swear-" he begins when he stands in front of her. She looks up and laughs, her long dark hair falling around her.

"Sam, it's fine, I know." His brow wrinkles and his puppy dog eyes appear, and her smile grows.

She pulls him down to sit on the bed and rests her hands on his shoulders, massaging gently. "Bela used the _silene capensis_ on you to play with your mind – make it easier to confuse you, so you would let her work with you and then she stole the Colt."

He sighs, presses his forehead to hers for a moment, and then pulls back. "Wait- how do you know that's what Bella did?"

River blinks.

Sam smiles and kisses her softly. "Sorry baby, it's not like I spend all my time with mind readers."

She shrugs and he kisses her neck slowly. She leans against him, one hand on top of his thigh, the other entangling with one of his.

"Can you feel it?"

He raises an eyebrow. He's never been as in tune with her universe as she seems to be with his, he's never been as controlled and without limits as she is.

"I'm close. I'm on my way now, Sam. I will be there soon," she whispers against him, and he buries his nose in her hair, grinning like a little kid in a proverbial candy store.

"How soon is soon?" He whispers.

"I'll be there as soon as Dean is ready to go." He frowns at this revelation.

"But, he just got back, and it's not like I can just demand him to recover, and what if he doesn't trust you and we'll have to sell the car," Sam answers her, just letting his thoughts spill out – she can hear his mental ranting anyway.

She snorts at the end of his rant. "You won't sell the Impala; she will come with us."

He smiles gently and kisses her cheek, comforted by her omniscient presence within his dream; by the fact that he hates the word 'hell' since Dean got back, that he doesn't like peas and that he'll never have to tell her how totally in love he is with her.

They sit in silence and wait for them to awaken, smiles on both of their faces.

-x-

They are in an empty field, this time. She is laying down, a sundress around her and her arms tossed carelessly behind her head.

Her grin is evident, and he feels happy to be lying next to her.

"I felt you yesterday, for the first time." He nuzzles into the side of her neck, taking in her smell, one arm thrown lazily over her torso.

"We're close." She answered, a perfect explanation as always.

"Very close," he whispered.

"I hope you're packed," she replies. "Dean, too." She rolls onto one side, facing him.

"I haven't told him we're leaving." He strokes from one him to the small of her back, and then back again.

"If you wait, we can tell him together." He nods and she kisses him slowly.

"No more dreams," she whispered.

"I like dreaming with you," he answered back, planting a soft kiss underneath each of her cheekbones.

"Would you prefer we stayed apart and only dreamed, then?" She asks, amused. He loves seeing her like this – so relaxed and carefree, which is unusual for her lately.

"If it was all I had, I'd take it," he answered, laying flat back down in the grass. She rests her head on his chest, her dark hair flowing over his body freely. "But I'll give up dreaming with you if it means I get to hold you when I wake up."

She grins, "You'll never have to wake up without me anymore, soon." River smiles and he runs a hand through her hair.

"Soon." He repeats, and when consciousness drags him back to the real world, it doesn't seem nearly as bleak as it did some past days.

-x-

The rumble of an engine drew Dean, Sam and Bobby outside the salvage yard, looking to see what caused the noise. Dean arched an eyebrow as the dust was kicked up around them, and a large yellow vehicle – some kind of mutant ATV came driving straight towards them.

Bobby nearly choked when a young, lithe woman jumped from the still moving ATV, and ran clear over to the three men. She threw herself up and into Sam's arms, who caught her with ease, the biggest smile he'd ever had on his face. He held her against him until he pushed her back to take her in with his eyes.

"You made it," he said, breath caught in his throat.

"You doubted me?" River answers, wiggling her bare toes against the rough ground.

"Never, baby. Never." Sam claimed her lips with his own, and instantly knew he would never settle for dreaming again.


	2. River Tam dreams of Sam Winchester

The first time River Tam dreams of Sam Winchester, he cannot see her. She is merely an observer in her own right, following and learning.

She is well aware that she is dreaming, well aware that he has no knowledge of her existence. She is an intruder here; she does not belong inside this boy's head.

But then she sees him walking outside, down a very straight sidewalk. The two sides, supposed to be parallel but no longer due to erosion, do not curve or stray from the pathway in anyway. There are no intersections.

He is beautiful. He is long and lean and muscular, and he takes her breath away (her breath in a dream-state, anyway, which she fully suspects is the akin of her mind appreciating the sight before her, but she chooses to wait to contemplate it when she is fully conscious).

He walks, with his shoulders slumped and a book bag over his shoulder. Darkness surrounds him. But there – a ray of light is at his side.

Not a light. A girl. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

She is soft and golden and whole and beautiful. He smiles when he sees her, this girl made of light.

River is instantly jealous, heartbroken, and disappointed all at once. She is not whole, or beautiful, soft or light. She is cold and shattered and difficult and nothing like this light-girl.

"Sam," the girl calls. And so a name he has. She could've searched his brain for it – but River is not prepared to invade his mind more then necessary. It's a wonderful name – River thinks this is wonderful.

He wraps his arm around her. He leans down and kisses her, and River's hand instinctively flies to her own lips, wishing she could feel such an experience. Her jealousy flares inside her, but she beats it down.

She wants him to be happy.

And then the dream changes, starts to hurt him, and she wishes to fight it. The darkness lunges for him at the same instant she does, and she watches at the darkness tries to rip away from his light.

He battles the darkness, hitting at it, pushing and growling at it, trying to keep the girl by his side. He doesn't see River, can't feel her trying to get to him, try to hold him away.

This boy is precious, she must protect him. She can see him clearly – his soul, his mind, need to be protected because he is so beautiful, and she has found that evil men kill beautiful things very easily and very often.

It takes a long time to realize that the very darkness he beats at is her, that he pushes her away from his lover until she relents and drifts away from him.

She does not know how, but she loves this boy, and yet he wills her away – so away she goes.

-

She had tried very hard to stay away, and she had been good about it for months now. River felt useless, and she moped around the ship accordingly.

She had heard Simon discussing it with Kaylee. She couldn't find the words to explain her melancholy, and she knew that Simon wouldn't understand them if she did try.

She often wandered aimlessly around the ship, seeking comfort in Serenity's steel and soft singing voice. But the ache in her heart didn't let up –she wanted to see him, her Sam. Her other half was planets, centuries, and eons away, but she could find him in a heartbeat. She just had to go to sleep and let herself look.

But she wasn't strong enough to be shooed away again.

She watched Mal and Inara banter with her head tilted. She saw Kaylee and Simon try and fail to communicate their feelings. She felt Zoe and Wash worship each other with physical love making. Comprehension dawned on her.

One day, in the medical bay, Simon sighed as he put together a new chemical combination for her.

"I wish, _mei-mei_, that you could tell me what's wrong now," He whispered softly, as he pushed a needle and his new concoction into her arm.

She leaned back, blinking slowly, considering what he was pushing into her system. "You are a boob," she replied. "I comprehend the reasons now."

-x-

She was just dreaming; she had been good and hadn't looked for him. But River hadn't expected that he would (or could) come to her.

They are in the living room of her childhood home; before the academy, before the pain and before the thoughts didn't align with the words anymore.

He is sitting on the couch when she walks in, flipping through an old sketchbook of hers.

"Hey, River." His smile is the same – beautiful, large and blinding. He is too big for this place, where everything is so small and meant for little Tam children.

"Sam?" She asks. A thousand thoughts run through her head – she didn't try to find him.

He rushes towards her, as if sensing her discomfort, merely from her eyes widening. His arms wrap around her, with plenty room to spare, and pull her against his chest. He is warm and wonderful and she feels like she just came home.

"Don't worry baby, you haven't done anything wrong," he whispers into her hair, kissing her head and rocking her against him.

"But you are here," she looks up and answers, eyebrows drawn tight. "You are here and not with your girl," she sniffles, feeling an urge to cry at the mention of the woman he prefers over her.

"I'm not, actually." He answers, a bit of lightness to his voice. He chuckles at her confusion. "I'm just the manifestation of your subconscious want for me."

River looks down and pulls away from his warm, wonderful arms. "Of course. You would not come to me, because you are with her."

He walks forward and pulls her chin up, forces her eyes to match his. "I would come, River, if you would show me how."

She raises her eyebrows and holds her breath, hope filling her for the first time since she saw him.

"Come get me River, baby, I'm waiting for you." He whispers into her ear. Then he tilts her face up, forwards and leans down against her. Their cheeks brush against each other, and she can feel his breath on hers.

-

River woke up and looked around slowly, sighing.

"I will come for you, _qing-ren_. You owe me the rest of that dream." She whispers into her pillow.

-x-

She had to wait a few weeks, before she could find him easily enough, but the connection is there, the connection is strong and she just has to let her mind follow its own path to his.

So she goes and finds him in a motel room, outside where the ship has landed. She runs to his door, excited.

She stops, staring at the number 3 on the ugly wooden door. The green paint is peeling. Somehow, this must be significant.

She knocks, waits and he opens the door. He stands and looks at her. Not just looks at her, but he sees her and instantly she can feel his soul call hers. She feels complete now – her other half sees her, finds her, understands her. She can feel his mind link to hers, feel how he has longed for her the way she has longed for him.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispers. She's not sure that she's in full control of her motor functions in his dream, but the amazing giddiness from being near him is enough to let her surrender control to his subconscious for now.

They walk and fall into stride, easily, because they have been made for each other. They do not complete each other. She can feel the tears inside her, and the small cracks inside him – but they comfort each other and define each other in ways she had never known existed.

He laughs when she teases him, and smiles when she touches him. She doesn't ever want him to stop.

He is seeing an airplane, where she understands this is the great divide – the cross, where she will pull him from his mind into hers, so that he can learn how to come after her. He crosses easily, thinking he is just stepping onto a jet, and his hands on her body are large and warm. She tugs him through the divide, and feels the coldness of Serenity's beauty around them.

He questions about the crew and she grins, because he can fully see her mind and understand now. She won't have to tell him everything, because he can _see_.

She twirls and kicks her combat boots off and turns for him.

"Will you come after me?" She asks, hopeful. She's asking if he will use what she has shown him; she's asking him to come seek her out next time, instead of making her feel like an intruder – like he wishes she were golden and whole, not dark and broken.

"Always," he answers, and she is at peace.

-x-

He took a long time. She worried that he got lost, and then that he just didn't want to come.

But then she tried to find him. She found only fire and his girl was burning and Sam was screaming. She cried and sobbed and screamed for him, knowing her love was in pain. Kaylee rocked her in her arms, with Inara on the other side of her, rubbing her back and whispering soothing arms. She fell asleep between the two of them, crying out for Sam to be safe and okay.

-x-

Sam came back, finally. It took him a long time, longer then she liked, but he came back and found her again. And it was okay again.

-

She is lying in an empty field next to Sam and River's dress fans out around her legs. She can hear Sam's steady breath next to her, his chest rising and following in a perfect pattern. Her hand is clasped tightly in his; her head is resting atop his shoulder.

He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her body against his, leaning in to nuzzle her neck. "I want to know everything about you," he whispers.

"I'm a girl," she whispers. "I am twenty three pairs of chromosomes lining up in a double X pattern to create the female form."

He laughs gently, his body rumbling underneath hers. "I want to know _you,_ River, not about girls. You can read my mind but all I get are the glimpses of you when you come find me. I want to know your favourite colour and what you do for fun and about the crew on Serenity…" he trails off. She catches glimpses of his thoughts – glimpses of Dean.

"Dean is your brother," she starts slowly, careful to make sure she has control – she loses it so often when she concentrates on maintaining their connection. "I have Simon instead of Dean. Simon is my version of Dean. He takes care of me. But he's kind of a boob," Sam strokes her hair and smiles, listening intently.

"Simon keeps trying to make me better." Her voice shakes a little and drops into a whisper. "But he can't."

Sam sits up and pulls her face so he can meet her eyes. His eyebrows tilt down into a serious and worried expression. "What do you mean, River?"

"Simon was a very prestigious doctor on Osiris – the planet he and I were born on. I was sent to an academy for the intellectually gifted – but instead, they experimented on us."

She looks down at her fingers, and Sam takes her hands into her own, hoping to comfort her. She smiles sadly – there is no comfort for this.

"They trained us and cut into our brains. By the end…I lost almost all mental stability, and have become the perfect assassin. I can read thoughts and kill with less then a second's notice."

Sam's worry lines deepened and he pulled her closer against his chest, rocking her gently. "Baby, I am so sorry."

"Please don't be."

His eyebrows shoot up his forehead in confusion. "If I hadn't gone to the academy, I would never have been able to find you." He nods solemnly and rests his forehead against hers.

"I'm scared, _qing-ren_." She sighs. "I can come find you and bring you and Dean and the Impala home…but you won't be able to understand me."

Sam smiles and kisses her softly. "River, I love you."

She rolls her eyes. "I love you too but that does not install a crazy to English translator in your brain."

"I won't need one. We love each other –that's enough."

She sighs hard, pulling away from him gently. "No, Sam it's not. I'm dangerous and I speak in more riddles then any sphinx ever did. I don't want to hurt you one day when I'm not in control."

He shrugs, his smile soft and assuring as he pulls her back into his lap. "You won't. We're going to be just fine, baby."

She pouts at his ignorance of her serious problem. He kisses her forehead. "You just worry about getting to me, and I'll take care of the rest. I promise, River, everything's going to be great."

She leans her back against his chest and bites the inside of her cheek. He holds in silence, and she breathes in the scent of him until she wakes.

-x-

One night she woke up screaming, Simon standing over her. She yelled and screamed for Sam, that she couldn't find Sam. Simon tried to soothe her, but she would yell.

"He's gone, quick little slide and Sam can't come home anymore," she wailed, crying without stopping. Everyone took turns watching her. Some, like Kaylee and Inara, were more caring, rocking her and trying to soothe her. Others, like Mal, just sat out side and waited to see if she'd calm. She didn't.

She finally managed to reduce herself to silent tears, and she listened to Kaylee and Simon talk outside of her door.

"I still don't know who Sam is. I keep thinking he's an imaginary friend, or a hallucination of some kind," Simon sighed.

"I aint sure Simon, but whoever he is River loves him somethin' fierce." Kaylee answered. River could almost feel the mechanic place her hand on the doctor's shoulder for comfort.

"She's in so much pain, and I can't do anything to help her…" her brother drifted off.

"Don't be silly Simon. Of course you can't do anything. She lost her lover."

Less then twenty four hours later, River was silent. When Simon stopped by to check on what halted her theatrics, he found her fast asleep on her bed.

-

"SAM!" She screams, calling into the darkness. Tears run down her cheeks and she falls for her knees, begging for her lover to come. "Sam, please, _qing-ren_, just come back…"

Warm arms wrap around her and pull her up to stand against a hard body. She turns into him and looks up with incredulous eyes, water blurring her dream-vision.

"It's okay baby, I'm right here. It's okay now, I promise."

"You left me!" She screams and pounds her fists against his chest. She hits him and cries before falling into his chest and sobbing aloud.

He whispers 'sorry' over and over into her hair, holding her. When she is finally confident that he has returned to her, she pulls back to question him.

"What happened? Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I just looked for you and you weren't there and I couldn't find you anymore and you were gone…" He brings a finger to her lips to halt her ranting.

"I was in a fight and it went really bad. My spinal cord was severed with a knife-" She gasps harshly, and he stops to shush her and tighten his hold on her. "Dean made a deal. He brought me back." He uses his thumb to wipe her tears away. She shakes her head – she doesn't want to listen any more.

She pushes up and kisses him, hard and desperate and he kisses her back, pulling her body up off the ground so she doesn't have to balance.

There is no asking of permission, no stopping to say "are you sure". They tug at each other's clothing, desperate and wild, needing to feel each other. They've never pushed their mental barrier this way – but they cling to each other like their world's ending. They move against each other like they are the only humans left and they love each other like they'll never have one more night together.

-x-

She hummed and danced around the ship nearly every day now. She sang and laughed and played with Kaylee.

Simon tucked her into bed one night and kissed her forehead. "I'm so happy to see you having so many good days, _mei-mei_."

She grinned a large grin.

"Sam is coming home." She answered, then drifted off to sleep to meet her lover.

-

He greets her by picking her up in the air and twirling her around. She squeals happily and wraps her arms around his neck when he pulls her in to kiss her breathless. Her smile is as big as his and they stare into each other's eyes, happy.

"I'm coming, _qing-ren_, I'm coming. I'll be there soon."

"How soon?" He asks, a grin on his face.

"Another few months. Maybe six."

He growls playfully and nips at her ear. "That's not soon enough."

She smiles and leans into all of his touches, his hands rubbing soft circles over her back. "Dean hasn't even been home three months – let him adjust before we tell him we're leaving!"

"I know, I know." He sighs and hugs her close. "I just can't wait to be able to see you."

"Soon, _qing-ren_. Soon."


	3. Crazy Little Thing

Now, over the last eight months or so, Dean had obviously noticed his brother's abnormal (even for them) sleeping habits. Sam seemed happy to go to sleep and reluctant to wake up more often then not. And the worst part was the smiling.  
Sam would smile in his sleep. He would grin and make almost laughing noises and it was the stupid happy without tension smile that Dean didn't think he'd seen since before he made the deal.  
He'd whisper "river" in his sleep about once a week, maybe a few times a night each time, then go another week with silent sleep, the entire time he would shift and roll, restless as the night. He slept peacefully only on the nights he said river.  
Dean was curious as to what river on Earth was so calming and special that it could calm Sam in his sleep.

Next was the book.  
Sam had some book, _the Mysterious Bubonic Plague_. Now Sam was an intelligent guy, and way more tolerant of boring crap in books then Dean was, but did not spend _weeks_ reading the most boring book on the planet about some plague, carrying it from place to place and reading every night before bed. He'd read it in the car and take it to bars when there was no research to be done. And that was far more interest in some old disease then even Sam could possibly tolerate, in Dean's opinion.  
So like the awesome big brother he was, while Sam was in the shower, Dean went through the book.  
_Teach yourself Chinese!_ Apparently Sam felt the need to add a third language to his repertoire – but Chinese? They didn't deal with a lot of Chinese people. It wasn't close to a language they had to deal with often- hell; Dean saw ancient Sumerian more often then Chinese, for crying out loud.  
And of course, Dean didn't understand it, so he approached Sam about it in the gentlest way possible.  
"Dude, what the hell are you trying to learn Chinese for?"  
Sam snatched his book back from Dean's hand and stuffed it back in his duffel, mumbling incoherently the entire time. Dean took the hint and dropped it.

They settled into a piece-of-crap apartment in southern Colorado for a little over a month, while they worked on clearing a forest of a pixie infestation. They both hate pixies – they giggle too loud, are ridiculously hard to trap and even harder to exterminate as a group, considering they ended up having to make a peace treaty with them after they were all captured.  
Sam would disappear for about two hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It took Dean two weeks to catch on, because he assumed Sam was at the library or doing some kind of introverted soul searching that Dean wanted no part of. After the second week, Dean realized Sam wouldn't do research without his current notes, and that Sam did all his introspection inside the motel while staring at the ceiling, like the big moping emo girl he is, and neither excuse explained why he took his dress shoes with him.  
So Dean tailed Sam (on foot, since Sam would spot the Impala immediately) and found his way through town until Dean found himself staring, jaw-dropped at the building Sam had walked right into, holding his best pair of dress shoes in his hand.  
A dance studio.

Sam was sneaking out to a dance studio. Twice a week. Dean clung to denial – his brother was a Winchester, and not _that_ much of the girl he constantly was accused of being.  
So Dean plucked up his courage (wishing for a good shot of whiskey to do it with) and walked into the dance studio, to have his horrors confirmed.  
Sam was taking ballroom dance lessons.  
Genuinely disturbed, Dean all but ran back to the hole in the wall apartment they were staying in, and tried to come up with the best possible intervention to save his little brother.  
-x-  
When Sam came back, Dean was sitting at the table, head in his hands, with one leg bouncing up and down. His flask was sitting in front of him, the lid laying off to the side.  
Sam walked across the room quietly, watching Dean slowly. He slid his dress shoes back into his duffel bag and sat down on his bed.  
"Okay, Dean, go ahead."  
Dean sprung from the table and into action, flask in hand, ready to rant.  
"What the _hell_, Sam? Dude, I am an _awesome_ big brother. I didn't freak about the psychic thing and I ignored the secret learning Chinese thing and I don't bug you about how you apparently rivers rev your engine, and I went to your freaking soccer games and I gave you the good cereal and I bought you a freaking Spiderman lunchbox even though he's the lamest superhero since like, Aquaman, but this_, _it's" he paused for a minute and breathed, "I can't take it anymore!" Dean took a quick swig of the flask and swallowed hard.  
"It's not the end of the world, Dean." Sam answered quietly, looking at Dean with his eyebrows pushed together.  
"Sam, you're taking ballroom freaking dancing lessons, I'd say this is serious." Dean sat down on his bed and rubbed his eyes, clutching his flask with white knuckles.  
Sam sighed. "Dean, calm down."  
"I am calm!" He shouted back. Sam rolled his eyes and stood up.  
"One, the dance studio was haunted. I started taking the lessons as a way of checking out the place."  
Dean raises an eyebrow and looks back at his younger brother. "Okay, that's more acceptable."  
"And I'll explain the rest of it, but you have to promise not to call me crazy until I'm done."  
Dean snorted. (Translated as: Winchester for 'well we'll see about that'.)  
"I'm in love." Dean blinked once then slowly turned his head to look at his little brother.  
"You're-" Dean started, but Sam held up one hand to silence his older brother.  
"Her name is River." Dean nods once, and takes another swig. "She'll be born about five hundred years from now." At which Dean promptly spits out his whiskey. Before Dean can interrupt, Sam continues. "Our minds connect when we're both asleep at the same time, and it's kind of like dream walking from there out."  
"I'm learning Chinese because five hundred years from now, everybody will speak Chinese. And River…she loves dancing. So I wanted to, you know, be able to take her dancing if she ever wants to go. So I kept going to the studio after I finished the job. And you can call me a pansy or whatever but…I just…I've never felt like this before, Dean." A stupid, goofy smile spreads across Sam's face – the kind Dean almost never sees, except occasionally when his brother is asleep.  
"She's the most amazing person I've ever met, man, and she," if possible, Sam's grin got even wider, "she understands me. Loves me, even." He scratched the back of his head, but the grin didn't fade.  
Dean, however, was not so easily swayed.  
"That's crazy talk, Sam! She's from the future? Is that possible? And you two connect through your dreams? Dude, can you hear yourself?"  
"Yeah, Dean, I know."  
"Do you have any proof?"  
"Nope."  
"But you expect me to believe you?"  
"Well, yeah."  
"Mmhm." Dean nodded and offered Sam the whiskey. His brother declined and Dean finished off the last of the alcohol in the flask. Sam stared at the floor, disheartened.  
"Is it even possible? You have visions, I'm cool with that. But this is way too Star Trek for me, Sammy."  
"She's psychic too. River tried to explain it a couple of times, something about enhanced brain waves, but I don't really understand it."  
"You're seeing someone geekier then you. You can have hot little study sessions together."  
"Appreciating the support." Dean rolled his eyes at his brother's use of sarcasm.  
The Winchesters spent several minutes in silence, eyes in front of them and never on each other. "I just…it's too crazy, Sam. Even for us."  
Sam nodded, biting his lower lip. "Then I'm going to have to prove it to you."  
-x-

Dean looked up. He hated drinking that African dream root crap. It tasted like ass, and now he was in Sam's dream land.  
Sam was standing next to him, hands in his pockets, and a big smile on his face. They were standing in the middle of a huge steel room. Dean noted with interest that the walls curved outwards, and a string of catwalks ran around the ceilings, as well as staircases to what seemed like another level.  
"Sam, what the hell is this place?"  
"This is Serenity, River's home."  
"River lives in a steel box?"  
"Spaceship."  
"You do understand why I don't believe you when you say crap like that, right?"  
"You want to, though." A new voice joined the conversation, soft and light. Both Winchesters turned and Sam's grin filled his entire face.  
Dean looked over her slowly. She seemed tiny. She had no shoes on, and she was pale all over. Her hair was long and wavy and seriously need to be worked out, but her eyes were large, open and observing.

"I take it you're River," he answered and she nodded, walking up close.  
Considering how tiny and fragile she looked, she wasn't as small as he thought she would be. She's less then a full head shorter then he is, though that makes her a hell of a lot shorter then Sam – so she fits in with the rest of the human race.  
"I am very glad you came to see me, Dean. Like this, before we come to get you."  
Dean raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Come to get me?"  
River smiled softly and tilted her head to one side. "Yes. You and Sam and your baby will come home to Serenity."  
"The spaceship."  
"Correct. Don't worry, Serenity will love you as she loves us all – she is our mother, and she has room for all her children."  
Dean looked at Sam and blinked slowly. "You're planning on moving onto a spaceship?"  
Sam scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I mean, I want to be with River and she said that she knew I wouldn't go without you, so she said you can come too – and the Impala."  
Dean raised his eyebrow and pursed his lips at Sam. Sam shrugged sheepishly and moved towards River, who slid easily into his arms against his body.  
"Dean, I think you would like our world. You're as much a lost cowboy as Mal is, and you'll be at home with us – at the very least, the crew gets in plenty of fights. Also, your life expectancy will increase dramatically."  
"Honey, I've been dead too many times to be scared of kicking the bucket," Dean muttered.  
"Liar." River deadpanned.  
Dean glared at her. "You're terrified of going back to hell, it's plain to see."  
"I hate psychics, little girl. You should keep to your own damn mind," he growled back.  
Sam arms tensed, but remained wrapped around River and glared back at Dean, obviously not pleased.  
"I'm not listening to your thoughts – but I can hear your soul, and you'll keep yourself as alive as possible to avoid going back to the pit. We can help, Dean. Come with us."  
"Got a mission sweetheart, can't just run away." She rolled her eyes, though at the endearment or the statement, Dean had no idea.  
"Scared little boys run all across the country, too scared to find a home." She countered and Dean clenched his fists.  
"Your girlfriend likes to talk a bit too much, there, Sammy," it came out as a growl, but the threat underneath wasn't missed by anybody.  
"Look, we'll hash out who is going where later, okay? I just wanted you two to meet," Sam said, with a sigh and a clear patented bitchface in place.  
River looked down, her eyes suddenly becoming heavy and any hint of mischief. "So that he'll understand," she whispered.  
"Understand what?" Dean shouted.  
"I'm not right in the head, Dean. I've been sick for a long time." She answered calmly, and motioned for Sam to sit. When he did, she crossed her legs and snuggled into his lap.  
Sam looked at Dean, who stepped forward, closer to them, and sat in front of them, because apparently this was going to be the kind of talk that you actually sat down for.  
"When I was younger I was sent to an academy for the intellectually gifted. It was extremely prestigious, and I stopped attending normal schooling at the age of seven, and tutors refused to work with me after the age of eight because of my intelligence." She didn't smile, and she wasn't bragging. She would have excluded this if it wasn't crucial to the story, Dean could tell.  
"At the academy, instead of teachers, there were doctors. We were experimented on. Mostly, through surgical processes, they rearranged the way my brain functions. I was a particular favourite subject, as I responded accordingly to the treatments – so I received surgery more often then most of the others. They also stripped parts of my brain that can deal with emotions. Because of this, I can rarely properly communicate with people." Dean raised an eyebrow.  
"The wires are all there, but they connected the carburetor to the breaks and the exhaust to the radio," she answered, and Dean nodded, impressed at how she translated the scientific into a metaphor that he understood so quickly.  
"So when you meet me, in full flesh, you'll have a very hard time understanding me. Even Sam won't be able to comprehend what I'm saying most of the time." She squeezed his hand and he kissed her head, pulling her tight against him.  
"You're speaking plain English right now," Dean countered.  
She nodded. "The part of my brain that connects my mind to Sam is different – so the message doesn't get scrambled, so to speak. I am in here as I am within my own mind – perfectly sane and comprehendible. It is when we are face to face that you will understand the differences."  
Dean leaned back on his hands, propping one leg up on top of the other. "So you're crazy. That's exciting." He waggled his eyebrows at Sam, who just glared back.  
"The story's not over," she answered. He was impressed by her calm rationality to the entire situation – which sounded fairly traumatizing.  
"The purpose of the experiments was partially to see how the alterations of my mind would be accepted – obviously, this is how I became a psychic, sensitive to others' thoughts. However, there were other types of experimentation. In time, we were trained into full fledged psychic assassins. It is extremely likely that I am the most deadly being in the universe. It would be wise for you to keep in mind that I can kill you at all and any times."  
"You can try, honey, you can try."  
River raised an eyebrow, unfazed by Dean's cockiness. "Don't underestimate what I'm saying Dean. If at any time, for any reason, I decide you need to die, you will die. I do not miss, I do not fail and this is the only time I will be able to warn you. So I'm asking that you be prepared. No one is safe from me."  
"So now you expect me to let my brother go riding around with a psycho killer bitch across the universe, even without the cheerful pop music?" He questioned, sitting up straight.  
"No," River grinned wide, and for a moment, Dean could see how Sam thought she looked beautiful. With a playful tilt of her head, River answered, "I expect you to come with us."


	4. Now You're Gone

Dean's been back from Hell for nearly five months now. Sam's thrilled to have him back, but he's incredibly grateful that Dean hasn't asked.

He hasn't mentioned River, not since a few days before Dean died – and hasn't said a word about her since. He tries his best not to think about her, and he's learned to control his half of the mind link so that he doesn't go searching for her at night anymore.

But his subconscious drags up her face. He sees it everywhere. He takes an extra minute to look at the girl who walks by with long brown hair, even though she's too short to be River.

His heart nearly stopped when Ruby showed up again – she barged in, giving him proof that she wasn't joyriding in anybody's body and ranting away while his brain was swirling to realize she wasn't River.

So he's grateful that Dean hasn't pushed or hell, even thought about River as far as Sam knows.

Dean was quiet for a few days after Anna ascended (re-ascended? He's not sure what the terminology for an angel who gets their grace back is). Then they're sitting down to lunch at a diner. Sam's just bitten into his burger when Dean asks – like it's more casual than 'will you pass the ketchup?'

"So what about River?"

Sam nearly chokes.

_River_. It's been so long since he's heard her name – said her name, _thought_ her name.

It _hurts_. It's a deep sharp pain in the center of his chest; it surprised him just how much it hurts. It kind of feels like he can't breathe – except that he can.

He swallows hard and looks up at his brother, who's got his eyebrows lifted expectantly.

"What about her?"

Dean raised his eyebrow. "Is she still around? Is she cool with the whole…you and Ruby doing the horizontal tango thing?" His brother took another large bite of his burger and chewed slowly.

Sam takes a minute to answer, placing his own burger back down on his plate – his appetite has completely disappeared.

"She's gone," comes out as a whisper, a soft answer that has Dean's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"I'm sorry, man." He says and doesn't mention it again.

Sam's grateful.

-x-

He's trying very hard to move on, to forget her or just make peace with the fact that she's gone and so obviously not coming back.

But he wakes up in a cold sweat for the third time this week and rubs his eyes.

He's not connecting to her in his sleep anymore – the connection has somehow been closed so that he can't directly contact her. But he can see her.

When before he dreamed of fire and demons and monsters, now all he can dream of is River.

He can see her life on the ship – see her helping on a job with the crew by telling Mal that their informant is double crossing them. He can see her watching Kaylee as she works on the engine and talking to Inara. He sees her brother try different drug combinations on her, sees her have bad days and good days.

He wishes he could see her laugh and watch her dance and just know that she's happy. But he wakes up every morning with this never ending ache in his chest – a hole that was ripped out of him when she said she wouldn't be coming back. And he's not entirely sure, but he thinks she might just be miserable without him too.

Or at least, he hopes.

It's his fault and he knows that. Every time he lifts his hand to expel a demon he knows that he's the reason she's gone and it pushes him further, to work harder. He wanted Lilith dead as revenge for taking Dean away – now he wants it for forcing him to drive River away. He knows he could very well be digging farther and farther down the rabbit hole, but he knows that he can prove he was right and that he was doing what had to be done as soon as he kills Lilith.

But everyday got a little bit harder – everyday he was went to sleep hoping he'd be able to see her, knowing she wouldn't be there if he tried and not having the strength to be disappointed if he actually tried to find her.

And like all real problems in Sam's life that he couldn't find a logical solution, it was Dean who finally did something.

Dean pulled over on the side of the road one day, and tugged the keys out of the ignition and folded his hands in his lap and stared at Sam.

"You gotta take a leak?" Sam asked, trying to think of a plausible reason for Dean to pull over on the side of the road in Iowa.

"Nope. But I'm not putting up with this silent emo sit on the sidelines and mope crap anymore."

"What? Dean, come on man, get back on the road."

"No." Dean answered, looking stubborn. Sam glared at him.

"Sam, you're wound way too tight and way too off, man. You're turning into a god-damn Celine Dion song!" Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Dean, I'm dealing. Now get back on the road."

"Like hell – you're avoiding."

"Well, I learned from the best."

"Yeah well, going to hell fixes your priorities. Sam, do you love her?"

Sam sighed and rested his forehead in his hands.

Dean grinned, knowing full well he was clearly right. "Then go to sleep, do your freaky ass mojo thing and get her back."  
"I can't Dean, she won't talk to me," he groaned. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Sam, I like to think I know a lot about women."

Sam shot a bitchface at Dean. "Does that include mentally unstable assassin trained women from the future?" he bit out.

"Woman's a woman, Sammy."

"Dean I can't just fix this."

"Oh yeah? What happened that is so bad it just can't be fixed?"

Sam bit his lip, not wanting to talk about it. "'m not driving this car anywhere till you tell me, Sammy."

"Won't the dust build up in the engine?" Sam snapped.

"Then you will clean my baby till she shines all over again. So talk." Dean glared crossing his arms over his chest and looking stubborn.

Sam sighed. He couldn't out stubborn Dean even on his best day when Dean was sick in a hospital bed hopped on morphine. Well, maybe if there was enough morphine…

"After you died…I freaked. You were gone, Ruby was gone, and I just took off. River kept trying to talk to me or coax me into talking and I just…took out my anger on her."

"I yelled at her and she just sat there and took it, man. She didn't even interrupt me, but she looked scared. I was just so freaked out…Lilith tried to do that white flash thing and it didn't work and then you were gone and I was just freaking out. I was drinking all the time and killing everything I came across and I think I really scared her."

Dean kept quiet, and Sam felt a tear sliding down his face and he threw his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes.

"And she'd try to talk to me, tell me that it was going to be okay and that I didn't need to do this. And she wasn't really talking to me a lot as I got crazier. I was so lost, all I could think about was getting you back. I was trying to research ways to bring you back during the day and hunting every night, and being stupid and reckless constantly. I can't tell you how many times I was stitching myself up and trying not to get blood on the pages of whatever I was reading." He laughed – it was dark and sad and broken sounding and it made Dean cringe on the inside.

"And she'd been gone almost two months when Ruby showed up. Ruby offered to show me how to use my powers and I did it and we worked on it. River was gone, I was barely sober most of the time. And I was just angry all the time and then Ruby,"

Dean cleared his throat. "Yeah, you and Ruby got your rocks off. Survived that recap once, and I don't need it again thanks."

Sam nodded. "River showed up a couple of days after that. She said she'd forgiven me for Sarah and Madison but now Ruby was too much. Said she didn't recognize me anymore."

Dean bit his lip.

"And I just shouted and yelled and told her that it wasn't like she could be with me anyway and that she was living in a dreamland and pretending and..." Sam groaned and buried his head in his hands.

Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed. Sam looked up and shot him a grateful smile.

"Well Sam, you suck at living without her. Go apologize – what do you have to lose?"

Sam nodded and leaned his forehead against the cool window, letting his eyes fall closed and praying for sleep, praying River would be there.

-x-

"River?" He calls out, looking around him. It's a middle ground, just some empty park type setting that his mind barely bothered to fill in details for. He's sitting on a bench praying she'll show up.

She's there, suddenly standing in front of him, with boots on. Boots are never good with River – she's always in a better mood in bare feet. He smiles when he sees her.

"God you're beautiful," he whispers, watching her hair and dress blow and flutter in the breeze.

"You didn't come here to compliment me, Sam." She answers, sounding cold.

"I came to apologize." He holds a hand out and she ignores it, but chooses to sit on the bench next to him. They're not touching anywhere and he's not going to push her.

"Go ahead." She says, staring straight ahead and not at him.

He lets out a long rambling apology explaining how much he misses her and needs her back and that he was so stupid and he's so sorry and that it's better now.

"No, it's not." She replies when he's done. He raises his eyebrows in confusion.

"You're still working with Ruby, still on a vengeance mission. You're still trying to combine the demon and the human, thinking it's the only way to win your war. It's not better now."

She looks at the grass, swinging her feet under the bench. "It's not my place to ask you to stop, Sam, because I believe that you believe you're doing what's right and what's best."

He doesn't say anything, he just watches her. He reaches out to brush her hair back behind her ear but she tugs her face away before he makes contact.

"By my calculations, your Earth will not be abandoned for another sixty-eight point seven years," she says slowly. "I think you're going to win, Sam."

He is breathing fast – she has faith in him. Well, she has faith in math, but that's sort of like having faith in him.

He moves off the bench, crouching in front of her and catching her eyes with his. "It's not worth it if I don't have you," he whispers, holding her gaze. "Nothing's worth anything without you."

She smiles and cups his cheek with one hand, he revels in her touch. "Don't worry, my Samuel," she runs a hand through his hair and smiles softly. "We're not broken, just hurting. And when you win and you can finally put away the demons and the powers and the blood, I will be there. And then I will come for you."

He understands what she's telling him – that she's not ready to be with him right now, but that they're not over and she's not going anywhere.

He moves forward and kisses her softly, testing the limits she's imposed, and she wraps her arms around his neck and holds him, returning his sentiments and kissing him back.

"God, River, baby, I love you," he says.

"I know, _qing-ren_, I know." She answers and pulls him closer to her, he rests his forehead against hers.

He kisses her again and she bits his lower lip softly, playing with the hair at the base of his neck. "I would like it very much if you made love to me now, Sam."

Sam grins and lays her down gently on the bench, morphed by his mind into a large, soft bed and does what he's fairly certain he was made to do.

-x-

**AN:**

As a side note, these are meant to be read as a series of one shots in chronological order,within a verse. Enjoy. ^^ More to come.

-May 07, 2009.


	5. Imaginary Friends

**Disclaimer: **As usual, I own neither River, Sam, nor their respective universes. Those belong to Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke, and I'm okay with that.

I realize I take eternity between these bouts, but hopefully this one is enjoyable enough to make you overlook the fact that real life owns my ass.  
-x-

It's been over a year of observing River and trying to properly identify her needs and adjust her medications accordingly, but Simon isn't much closer to having answers than he was when he rescued her.

He's accepted that in many ways, River is a child. But he wasn't prepared for this.

River's psychosis has developed an imaginary friend. His name is Sam.

He finds this surprising for many reasons. River never had an imaginary friend as a child because she was far too advanced to ever need one. Also, she had Simon for company.

Then there's the fact that she doesn't hallucinate otherwise. She is incoherent, possibly reads minds, seems to be able to predict the short term future (which confuses Simon enough), and emotionally unstable. But she doesn't see things that aren't real, just things that other people can't or perceives things differently.

So when Sam emerges, it throws Simon a curveball, so to speak.

She's more withdrawn at first, keeping to herself. When he asks her about what's wrong she shrugs and goes "I miss Sam."

His attempts to figure out who Sam is are complete failures. In fact, he had considered searching the ship for some kind of stow-away that the Captain hadn't found yet and River had. It seemed highly unlikely though.

Simon tells Kaylee about Sam, hoping that River will open up to her about Sam. The only thing Kaylee manages to learn is that he isn't on the ship itself.

So when he walks into the kitchen for breakfast and finds her smiling and humming at the table, he asks her what's got her in such a good mood. She grins and says "I corresponded with Sam last night," like that makes total sense. He knows she slept last night – he checked on her three times, like usual.

In a moment of what was probably stupidity, he asked Mal what he thought. The captain considered for a minute and said "What's the harm? Gets the girl a mite calmer, I say she can conjure up wh'ever she likes."

Simon grudgingly admits he may have a point. But there still seems something wrong with an eighteen year old girl who had an imaginary friend.

He finds her spending more and more time in the cockpit with Wash, on the NavPort, flipping through star maps and sky charts and muttering to herself. He sighs and goes back to the med bay to sort through supplies.

Later, when he comes to find her, he hears her talking to Wash. "He went to Stanford on a full scholarship but now him and his brother Dean travel around checking under beds. Dean checks in the beds too." She giggles even though Simon has no idea why, and Wash doesn't seem to either but he nods and listens.

He shrugs and figures he can come collect her later.

After he gets her into bed, again with a smile on her face and Sam's name on her lips, he goes up to ask Wash why he's indulging in her fantasies.

"Way I figure, the girl's smarter than all of us together, so why can't Sam be as real as you and me? 'm pretty sure she can read my mind, she can shoot people better than Jayne so why can't she be talking to Sam? Maybe he can read minds too." Wash shrugs, never looking away from the sky. Simon walks out without answering him, passing Zoe and nodding to her.

This must be what going mad feels like, if Wash is making more sense than he is right now. Next thing he knew, Jayne would have a medical license.

He resolves to listen more when she talks about Sam, to try and discern if there's any possibility Sam is real.

Of course, by now, River has learned that he doesn't really react well when she talks about Sam, so she doesn't any more.

He tries to encourage her by asking about him, but she rolls her eyes and answers, "He's a figment of my imagination. Or yours. Maybe I'm a figment of your imagination." The sarcasm in her voice is more than clear but it stings.

Slowly over time, she starts to trust him a little more, doubt his motives a little less. "Sam's brother is dying," she says one day when she's sitting with Simon while he's preparing dinner. He puts down his knife.

"That's unfortunate," Simon says. As a doctor he's had patients die; his grandfather died when he was four; he couldn't save Tracey after he'd been shot; all of those he had developed a process of grieving for. But the brother of his sister's imaginary friend wasn't something he was able to conjure emotions up for. "Is he seeing a doctor?"

"No needles to suck out the demon's poison, no medicine to stop the tick-tock in the ear infection," she says, calm as anything. It's moments like this that he wonders – if it's possible that Sam is real, then how much of his life is real and how much is his sister's brain just playing tricks on her? "I can't save him, don't know how."

Simon crosses over to her. "Honey, sometimes people die and we can't save them. Even the best doctors in the 'verse lose patients."

Her eyes look haunted, in a way he hasn't seen in months, in a way that makes him shiver. "Not Dean," she whispers. "Sam."

After that, he was too scared to ask about Sam for a good year and a half.

Until he found River wandering the ship in the middle of the night.

He'd gotten into a fight with Kaylee that day. He'd tried to initiate some kind of romantic scene or something, and being the idiot he is instead of going for the simple "you're gorgeous" he had to go with "I love how curvy you look in your coveralls" – which she interpreted as him calling her fat (which was not true and he never would if it was – which it wasn't).

He heard a soft noise come from River's room and got up to check on her. He barely caught sight of her as she disappeared up the steps. When he finally caught up with her, he found her sitting on the catwalk with her legs hanging down over the cargo bay, her feet swaying back and forth.

Sitting down next to her with his back against the rails so that he was facing away from her, he put a hand on her arm. "River?"

"Can't sleep," she whispers. "Can't sleep, can't dream, can't dream, can't dream." She mutters it over and over again, shaking her head and biting her lip a little.

"Why not?"

"I'll see Sam."

Simon was confused. River was usually thrilled to go to bed and see her imaginary friend. "And you don't want to see Sam?" he asked, hoping she was lucid enough to give clear answers.

"Sam's not Sam anymore. The lone ranger's gone and his partner is drowning in demon blood, suffocating on rubies." She choked softly, tears running down her face.

So that was it. River's brain was finally processing that Sam wasn't real, and she was letting go of her friend, grieving for him.

He rubbed her back as she cried softly, occasionally muttering things he didn't understand about ghosts or the devil or hell – nothing that sounded particularly pleasant.

She leaned over to him finally when she was done crying and whispered, "Help me Simon."

"What would you like me to do, _mei-mei_?"

"Make me sleep. Take away the dreams. Please, I don't want to see him anymore, it hurts too much…" she closed her eyes and leaned against Simon, clearly exhausted. He wondered to himself how long she'd been keeping herself awake without him realizing it.

"Okay, _mei-mei_, okay." If she wants him to give her something to help her sleep, he had no problem with that. For once he could actually do something to help her, he was more than willing.  
-x-

Simon's embarrassed to say he forgot about Sam after that. River kept taking sleeping solutions for several months and then one day she told him she wouldn't need them anymore, and it was fine. She didn't say anything about Sam, so he assumed that River had moved on from her imaginary friend.

He doesn't remember until one day when Mal starts screaming into the intercom that Simon better get his _pi-gu_ up to the cockpit and control his insane sister who's gone off the reserve and has kidnapped his damn ship.

The doctor rushes to find his sister calmly piloting the ship and turns to listen to Mal explain that she's somehow managed to take them entirely off course – to the point that Mal didn't have a gorram clue where they were or where she taking them.

They approach a planet that Simon doesn't recognize, and slowly the entire crew gathers to see what River's up to. The planet is largely blue and green and something tickles familiar in the back of Simon's brain but he can't really force it forward.

She lands them perfectly with minimal messages to Kaylee in what appears to be a clearing on the far side of a forest. She quickly hops out of the seat and nearly makes it around the entire shocked crew. Mal manages to grab her arm and hold her back to ask her what in the sam-hell she thinks she's doing.

The grin on her face seems impossibly large. "We had to come and get Sam, silly."

Before Simon knows it, she's managed to load himself along with Mal and Zoe with herself behind the wheel of the new mule that Kaylee convinced Mal to buy a little while ago (one with wheels, as all Kaylee had to do to fix the airborne one was change a few parts). Mal was ranting to Zoe about how he was captain and it was his ship and he said where it went and who they went to get and how they immediately needed to find a pilot who was neither crazy nor able to kill him in less than thirty seconds. Zoe was silent, nodding along and never taking her eyes from River.

River drove them through the forest easily along some path, coming up on some large property with an old house that looked like it was falling apart and an open area of what looked to be machine parts of some kind – Simon didn't particularly recognize anything.

She swung the mule to the stop just as three men walked outside the house to see what the noise was. River jumped off the mule and flings herself at the tallest one – and Simon's never seen his little sister act like this before.

The stranger laughs and embraces her, swinging her around. Simon can't tell what is said between them but he sees them kiss then finds himself up and half way over to the stranger, his hand curled into a fist to punch him.

But when he gets there River is still smiling all wrapped up in this stranger – gods, he was taller than Simon realized – and his resolve wavers.

"Simon," she grins, looking up at the giant she's become attached to. "This is Sam."

It's not until the older man points his shot gun at him that he's certain he's not dreaming.

-x-

**A/N: **Apologies, hates my spacing. Hopefully this is better.


End file.
